So I was thinking……

So I stumbled upthinking man stock photo thinker questioning puzzling manon a interesting page this morning. Courtesy of someone who dropped it on my timeline on facebook. While I do not fully agree with everything that has been stated, it did make me ponder a bit (which is always a good thing). Go read it for yourself if you want:

 

http://markmanson.net/life-purpose/

 

So now keep in my mind: my brain isn’t always wired right. So if it makes me think, it might make me think over a lot of different topics, far removed from what the author wants me to think about. For a long time I have been sitting on this blog and thinking: “What the hell am I going to write about?!?”. This mostly fueled by all the bloggers who actually have a central theme. Who have a purpose. But what if you have no idea (and WordPress so kindly pointed out to have a purpose for your blog before you start writing), then what.

 

But then today I realised. So what. No-one has any idea what they really want (save the rare individual who has been working on their dream since they have been sitting in diapers). We are all just a little lost, and coping with being lost in our very own way. So no: I have no purpose with this blog. It just IS. And what I might find interesting. So there.

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Life is better with friends

Let me just come forward: I am no good when it comes to making up blog post titles. My practical side always shines through, thus you are now stuck with a boring title, eventhough it does cover the contents of this post perfectly.

 

I am still enjoying the after effects of the good time I had yesterday. A good time, shared with friends. Friends I did not know a hear and a half ago. And I am still amazed this could happen. You see, for most of my life I have been a loner. Without delving into details: I grew up with a limited exposure to other kids. Add in the fact that I am a pretty introvert person, and I could count the friends I had on the fingers of one hand. And none of them I shared soemthing deep with, always keeping a bit of a distance to protect myself from harm. In college it dwindled down even further. And at the end of my first 4 years in college, I was left with only my girlfriend (my now ex-wife), after I found out that of all the people I knew in college, the poeple I counted as friends only used me for reports and such. Fast forward two deaths, a birth, and a failed marriage. Despite me being quite okay with being alone, I was pretty lonely. I did have one friend, but i rarely saw her. Mostly on the account of me being an ass and not wanting to show up and disturb the relationship she was starting up at the time.

And then, shy of a year and a half ago, I met my girlfriend. We hit it off pretty fast, and I took it upon myself to never repeat the mistakes of the past. And I landed and settled in her circle of friends. And wouldn’t you know it, they became my friends too. And I was shocked. For the first time I had a circle of people around me who didn’t judge. They met me, they saw I was okay people, and that was it. It was up to me to be myself. And that was/is highly confusing and enlighting at the same time. I am enjoying every minute of it. The serious talks, the hearty laughs and the sad moments. I still am getting used to it all, still feeling the pressure from inside to make sure I can compensate for what I feel that they are giving me (as in: for most of my life I was always judged on what I did/give versus what I was givven, and mostly it always had to be more from my side to compensate a trickle from the other side). But I know that isn’t necessary. And I enjoy every moment of it.

 

Dammit: An introvert even was made to dance thanks to these great people.

Life can and will smile on you, when it feels you deserve it the most.

Job Applications II

So the last time my rant about trying to find a job was, in retrospect, slightly incoherent. Though the point being: why is it that all companies calim they can’t find the right person, while all they do is skim a resume and refuse to dig deeper?

As mentioned before: I have found this to be a big hurdle in trying to find a job. I have sent my resume to many companies, and they all came back to me stating I never fitted any profile. Quite surprisingly, a tertiary party would contact me shortly after to ask me if they could send my resume to the very same company. Lo and behold: you do get a positive response and an invitation for an interview. Now it does make you wonder: what are these companies doing?

While browsing linkedIn I see many stories flying by (posted by recruiters no less) about how to be a better recruiter. And how to bypass the simple resume skipping part. And dive into someone’s profile to determine if a prospect is suitable for the job. Not qualification wise but person wise (as qualifications are but a tiny part of the story). No where are these stories going besides being awesome blog fillings? My personal experience: absolutley nothing has changed. It’s all hot air, and everybody is still only looking at your resume. And esppecially if you have done the EXACT same thing before. In nearly every company that is still looking for new hires in this economy. Only the intermediates (as in the temp agencies) will looking slightly beyond. But don’t be fooled by their promises I have found.

I am reminded of two applicattions I was invited for, in which an aganecy had “scouted” my resume (or more accurately, they had pulled it off of monsterboard……). I got this big talk that they had a client who was very interested in me. And were really happy with my profile. The first application was with Van Oort in Rotterdam, all the way back in 2006. I had traveled by train (2,5 hours) to be picked up from the station by the intermediate. Over coffee he hardly gave me any details on the job, mostly we discussed my resume and my education. I had just graduated so there wasn’t much to mention on my resume. We took off to Van Oort (a big dredgind company), and on arriving there, the HR person asked the intermediate to please wait outside. They only wnated to interview me. The gist being: they had heard I was really enthousiatic about being a project leader. And I had to explain them and persuade them why, because they werent so sure about me. Which was, well, quite a shock. And the polar oppossite of the meeting I had only 5 minutes before! That was a blundering failure. I wasn’t surprised to see that afterwards I was standing alone in the lobby of Van Oort. Shortly afterwards I signed with Yacht. Who did take me seriously.

The second emabrrasment wasn’t quite unlike the first. It was shortly before I lost my job with Yacht, and I met with soemone who had started his own company after having worked for a few years with Yacht. Again I heard of a great opportunity with a company who could truly use someone of my calibre and expertise. So when the meeting finally came with said company (surprisingly, I had to attend the interview on my own! Why were they the intermidairies again????), I was questioned about my excellent expertise on construction and management. The areas I had mentioned I wanted to work on in my next job. If you end an interview where the company your applying at rates you as worse than a college graduate, one has to wonder what they were promised before the candidate came over. I was both shocked and highly dissapointed.

 

Luckily: it all ended well. Shortly after this failure, I got a call from a company who asked me if I knew someone who could fill in a specific role. Instead of browsing through my network, I jumped on it. Despite not being my expertise, I felt it would give me an opportunity to explore my management skills. And give me the chance to expand my leadership qualities. And believe it or not, despite absolutely no ties to the industry, I am not working as the assistant manager of their southern branch. Good times (and proof to myself that I can perform well at interviews).

Father’s day, looking back

Father’s day is an interesting day. Dating back all the way to 1910, it was first celebrated in Spokane. After a slow start, it was until the 1930’s, and with the backing of trade groups (I see similarities with Valentine’s day here), it was brought to national awareness in the US. And from there on it spread out over the globe.

Originally portrayed as a companion to mother’s day, commercial hype has brought it to the level of being the panultimate day to celebrate being a dad. Lavish gifts are being promoted as something that has to be bought to celebrate this day. Though the core value is the one that matters: appreciating the fact your father is your father. And for me personally, that is the thought that counts.

It is rather painfull then that I am one of an ever growing number of fathers who rarely get to see their child(ren). Just a few years back my ex and me broke up, with our son staying behind with her. The unfortunate side effect of having a full-time job, and not living close to your child after the break up. A break up usually leads to weird situation. What to do with the remnants of the family during holidays, and commemorative days? And Father’s day is not unlike the others. This year (as the previous years) I did not get to see my son. It was not “our” weekend. And though I am acceptant of this fact (it happens), in the back of your mind it still stings. I am sure a lot of divorced fathers feel this as well.

I do not feel sad. It stings, but I know deep in their heart, even if you do not get to see your child(ren), the love for you will still be there. Just keep giving them the love they deserve. And remember that as a divorced father, despite everything (including a new partner for your ex), your are not alone. There are more fathers like you out there who feel like you do. Despite everything (good or bad) keep believing everything will be alright.

One of those days

Once in a while it happens. You wake up, get out of bed and get ready to go to work. And the unmistakable feeling of, for a lack of better words, “something” keeps gnawing at the back of your mind. One of those days that you just don’t feel like anything, and nothing can truly satisfy you intelectually or emtionally. And today is one of those days, for me at least. Not that there isn’t anything to look forward to, hell everything is going great. I am positive, good things are looming at the horizon, and above it all I am healthy and well. But in the end all I can say, let’s just mope around till this days passes and something interesting walks by. And enjoy doing so!